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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25686097">Learn To Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sithlordsirius/pseuds/sithlordsirius'>sithlordsirius</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Finn teaches Poe how to trust, Fluff, Internal Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:28:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,487</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25686097</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sithlordsirius/pseuds/sithlordsirius</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Poe sat in the corner of the room, nursing his drink, trying to ignore the loud cheering and laughter around him. His leg bounced relentlessly under the table, his eyes staring at the empty seat across from him. He wanted to be alone, he needed to be alone, he repeated to himself in his head. He couldn't be doing this to himself, not when so many people depended on him but he couldn't get the thought out of his head. How lightheaded he had felt, the way his heart skipped a beat and how he could feel his whole body tingle. It was the first time in a long time that Poe felt at peace."</p><p>In which Poe learns to not only to care for someone but himself as well.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Poe Dameron/Finn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Learn To Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Poe sat in the corner of the room, nursing his drink, trying to ignore the thoughts racing through his mind. His leg bounced relentlessly under the table, his eyes staring at the empty seat across from him. He wanted to be alone, he needed to be alone, he repeated to himself in his head. He couldn't be doing this to himself, not when so many people depended on him but he couldn't get the thought out of his head. How lightheaded he had felt, the way his heart skipped a beat and how he could feel his whole body tingle. It was the first time in a long time that Poe felt at peace.</p><p>But it couldn't mean anything.</p><p>Men like Poe weren't meant to be loved. They weren't meant to be cared for. They weren't to be happy. Or so it had been said to him. He let out a deep sighed and knocked back the remainder of his drink, the bitter liquor burning his mouth and the back of his throat. He scrunched his face as he adjusted to the feeling and let out a deep sigh, lowering his glass to the table and pushing it away gently. What happened was a mistake, nothing more. Both of them were drunk, neither knew what they were really doing. Hell, the whole moment was blurred in his head. He lowered his head and rested it on his folded arms, he was a idiot and that was putting it lightly. He shouldn't have done that to Finn. He should have just kept to himself, then none of this would be happening. The door to the mess hall opened and closed quickly. Poe didn't look up, he didn't need to.</p><p>He raised his head as he heard the chair across from his scoot and someone sit down. A all to familiar pair of hands rested on the table, his fingers intertwined with the other and his thumbs resting on top. He looked up and locked eyes with Finn. He couldn't tell if how the other man was feeling. He had a firm line across his face and his eyes gave no give. Poe definitely fucked up. He lowered his head again and sighed, "Hey."</p><p>"What the hell happened in there, Poe?" Finn quizzed abruptly, catching Poe a little of guard. He didn't expect such harshness from Finn, didn't think he would be capable. Poe pinched the bridge of his nose and shrugged his shoulders, "I-I don't know."</p><p>He was speechless. He wasn't ready to lose Finn as a friend, especially over an impulse he couldn't control. Then again, Finn deserved a friend that would be there for him and not think the thoughts Poe did about him. Finn shook his head, "You stormed off and we couldn't find you? Snap and Jess are so worried about you, Poe."</p><p>Poe was a horrible friend. Not only did he annoy Finn but he also had two of the only people who cared for him worried, stressing over him all because he didn't want to face the consequences of his decisions.</p><p>"And you?" Poe asked quietly, looking back up at Finn. A lump formed in the back of his throat. He was already knee deep and couldn't go back, he had nothing more to lose. He knew he shouldn't but he couldn't stop the words escaping his lips. He knew the answer but he needed to hear it. He needed to know that everything he had thought and feared was right. He deserved that pain. Instead, Finn reached one of his hands across the table and slid it over Poe's. Poe furrowed his brows and starred down at his hand before gazing back over at Finn, "I'm confused."</p><p>Poe pulled his hand away and covered his face. He really did mess up. He did this to Finn and he couldn't take it back, "Fuck, Finn. I'm so, so sorry." He muttered, shaking his head, "I shouldn't have. I didn't mean to cause this."</p><p>"Poe-"</p><p>"I know it's wrong and I know I shouldn't feel like this. I-I promise I can control it. I won't ever do that again." He assured, his eyes watering. He wasn't sure if it was from anger at himself or the fear that was sweeping over his body, "I can ask the General for some counseling, I can make this right-"</p><p>"Poe!" Finn snapped, causing Poe to flinch and stop his rambling. Finn was sat across the table, his eyes soft and sorrowful. Poe felt horrible. Finn took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, "I was confused why you ran off, but I get it now. I do." He muttered.</p><p>He shook his head. Poe closed his eyes, he was the moment he had been dreading. Finn was finally about to push him away, out of his life for as long as they lived. Poe clenched his jaw, “You know it isn’t wrong, Poe? For a two guys to be together?”</p><p>Poe stared up in confusion, maybe Finn had more to drink than he had realised, “But, it is.”</p><p>Finn reached across the table to take Poe’s hand. He flinched a little, pulling away and looking at Poe. Poe reached forward again, this time Poe letting his hand rest on his own. Finn wrapped his fingers around the back of Poe’s hand gently, making sure he didn’t squeeze to hard, “Did it make you happy?”</p><p>”What?” Poe asked.</p><p>”Did the kiss make you happy?” Finn repeated, his tone as firm and steady as the first time. Poe bit his bottom lip and nodded his head unable to look Finn in the eyes, why was he dragging this out? Was he trying to embarrass him? Finn noticed Poe was zoning out and squeezed his hand a little, causing his soft brown eyes to gaze back at him. He could see the fear in them, “Why do you think that being gay is bad?”</p><p>Poe shrugged his shoulders. He only ever had one person explicitly tell him it was bad. Some drunk guy at a bar he foolishly flirted with. Overall, it was more small events that gradually snowballed into this belief. Simple, actually stupid, questions like when is he gonna find a girlfriend, how come he never tries to talk to any of the women, why does he turn down every girl his friends try to set him up with? Clearly he was meant to like women but he couldn’t. When he tried he would feel this pit form in his stomach, and not in a good way. Like he was gonna to throw up, or pass out. It felt horrible pretending to be something he wasn’t. Then again, he couldn’t really be who he was anyway. He had seen other men walk together around the base, but he also heard some of the comments made. None of them intentionally vicious but still, they stay in the back of his head. </p><p>“People talk. They-they comment on how it’s strange. And they always stare, like two men or women holding hands in some zoo exhibit. They wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t a bad thing.” Poe muttered. He wasn’t even sure if Finn heard half of what he just said. </p><p>Finn placed his other hand on top of Poe’s, cupping the pilots hand in his own, “They don’t find it strange more so they don’t have the ability to understand it fully.” He responded.</p><p>”People are hesitant of the unknown.” He muttered, watching as Poe wiped his eyes with his other hand. Poe shook his head a little before stopping a letting out a deep sigh. His chest felt tight, as if his lungs were slowly shrinking inside him. Finn squeezes his hand again, diverting Poe’s attention back to him and he smiled, “I liked the kiss as well, Poe. I couldn’t believe it happened with you did it. That’s why I was confused when you ran. Nothing else.”</p><p>Poe smiled and leaned his head forward, pulling Finn’s hands towards him and resting his head on them, “I’m sorry.”</p><p>”Don’t be. It’s nothing we can’t work through, together.” Finn reassured, pulling one of his hands away and tucking back a piece of Poe’s hair. Poe leaned into his touch, his eyes closed trying to stop the tears. It all seemed surreal, as if at any given moment he would wake up and none of this would have happened. The doors to the mess hall opened again and Jess and Snap walked in. Poe quickly pulled away from Finn and rubbed his eyes. Jess dramatically sighed and Snap was rambling about searching the whole base for Poe as they sat down at their table. Poe avoided their gaze, instead trying to focus on Finn who just stared back warmly. </p><p>“Why did you run off, Poe?” Jess asked, nudging her commander jokingly in the side. Poe lowered his gaze and shrugged his shoulder, “Needed some space.”</p><p>”You feeling okay?” Snap asked, noticing the tear stains down Poe’s cheek and the puffiness of his eyes. Poe nodded his head, “Yeah, like I said. Just need some space.”</p><p>Snap flares over at Finn who just offered him a weak smile. Poe stood up and sighed, “I think I should head to bed.”</p><p>”You sure?” Finn asked, reaching across the table and grabbing his hand. Poe looked at his hand and then at Finn, “Yeah, night everyone.”</p><p>Poe gently pulled his arm away from Finn, praying the other two didn’t read into it. He took a few steps away from his chair and his legs began to feel weak. How could he be so stupid. Finn just opened himself up to Poe and he just turned away. But what was he to do with Snap and Jess around. Surely they had seen the kiss earlier and Finn’s hand when they entered the mess hall. He stumbled and fell forward onto another table. Within moments two hands were wrapped around his waist and helping steady him. He looked up and saw Finn, his brows furrowed and a worried look on his face, “Poe? Poe! You okay?” Finn quizzed, letting Poe lean on him. Poe nodded his head.</p><p>”Can you please take me back to my room?” He whispered back. He could hear the barrage of question from the other two but ignored them, letting Finn explain and help walk Poe out. He was a mess. They arrived back at Poe’s cabin fairly quick. Poe types in the pin and walked in the room slowly, Finn standing close behind him to make sure he didn’t fall again. Poe sighed and fell onto his bed, his back hitting the mattress. He was such an idiot. Finn stood across the room, “You sure you’re feeling okay?”</p><p>”Yeah, just need to sleep.” Poe assured, sitting up and looking at Finn. Finn nodded his head and moved towards the door, “Okay, night Poe.”</p><p>Pie reached forward and grabbed Finn’s wrist, yanking him back slightly, “Can you stay here, tonight?”</p><p>Poe hesitated a moment and nodded his head, taking Poe's hand and moving back towards him. Poe gazed up at him, scared if he took his eyes off him he would disappear and he would be alone with his thoughts again. Finn sat on the bed beside him, their hand's still intertwined.  He gazed down at the floor, aware of Poe looking at him. Poe leaned over and rested his head on Finn's shoulder, closing his eyes and focusing on his breathing. Finn smiled and slowly laid down on the bed with Poe. Poe nuzzled his head into Finn's neck, his eyes watering a little. He felt so overwhelmed by everything that had happened. His head was fuzzy with all his thoughts but he knew he wanted Finn by his side at this moment. Finn heard Poe's sniffles and wrapped his arm around him and held him close, his fingers stroking the hair at the back of his head. Poe lifted his head up a little and wiped his eyes, smiling weakly at Finn, "Thank you."</p><p>"Anytime." Finn muttered back, gently kissing Poe's forehead.</p><p>Poe woke up the next morning with Finn's arm wrapped around him protectively and the man snoring lightly beside him. He laid there for a while, watching Finn sleep peacefully before he began to stir and his eyes slowly flickering open. It took Finn a few moments to wake, his eyes finally focusing on Poe and offering him a soft smile, followed by a long yawn, "Mornin'" he muttered, his voice thick with sleep.</p><p>"Morning." Poe responded, his own voice hoarse. He looked at Finn's lips. He wanted to kiss them again, but this time properly. Not some rushed peck in the spur of the moment, he wanted to experience it. But he couldn't bring himself to lean forward and make the move. What if Finn just wanted to be friends? Maybe he was just being nice because he felt bad for Poe? Then he felt a hand brush across his cheek softly, threading across the stubble of his beard and cheek bone. He looked up and Finn was staring at him, his eyes scanning over Poe's face. He knew their relationship was something more than friends, "What are you thinking about?" Finn asked.</p><p>Poe thought a moment, "I want to kiss you." He whispered, kinda hoping Finn wouldn't hear. Finn smiled and leaned in a little, his forehead pressing against Poe's. Poe took a deep breath, taking his hand to Fin's face and cupping it gently before leaning in slowly and connecting their lips. Finn's lips were soft, softer than he remembered. He pulled away, gazing back at Finn who was smiling. Finn leaned in to kiss him again and Poe froze, the voice at the back of his telling him this was wrong. Finn noticed and pulled away, "You okay?"</p><p>Poe nodded his head, "Yeah, yeah. Sorry, I-I just froze up." He muttered, closing his eyes. Finn sighed and scooted closer and hugged Poe. Poe cursed himself. If Finn said this was Finn, it must be. He fought against the tightness in his chest, he wanted this. He wanted to have Finn hold him, to be able to kiss him, to wake up every morning with him at his side. Finn shushed him softly, "It's okay, don't apologize."</p><p>"What are you thinking now?" Finn asked, "I want to wake up beside you every morning, but without the bad thoughts and the doubts."</p><p>Finn nodded his head and gently pushed Poe away from him, locking eyes with him, "You can. You can do whatever you want, whenever you're ready. If you only want a kiss in your room? That's fine, we can do that. If you ever want to hold hands in the hall someday, we can. We move at your pace. It going to take time to work though them thoughts, but we will. I promise."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I know typically in fic's that Finn is normally the uncertain one but I kinda wanted to switch that around and tada, this came out.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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